she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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