I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
