I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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