ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
