i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
