I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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