I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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