Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
