whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
