I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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