I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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