the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
