just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Let's get the cat blown out
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
