Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
