i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
