There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
