I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
