dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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