she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
