Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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