I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am one with the molecules
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
