Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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