NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
