i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
