I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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