i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
