She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
