420 ftw
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
