I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
