At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
