I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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