I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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