That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my shit smells like andre
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
