life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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