I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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