I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
