How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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