I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
