Just fell off a train. Bad.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
