I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
