that's an acceptable place to lick
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
