you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
