have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
