My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She needs sedatives and a leash
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
