well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
