i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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