I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
