Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
