Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
