ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
