Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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