ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's never too late to be topless.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
