i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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