So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
