marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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