you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
