How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
barbara walters just said penis...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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