anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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