Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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