Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
