May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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