i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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