Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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