I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize