Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
