Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
