the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
