You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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