dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
