my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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