I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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