addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
