I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
