Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
