The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
