I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
