guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
