you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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