i wish there were pregnant emoticons
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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