We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
