he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
