I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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