please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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