Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
